Are you ready for next Friday?

No, I’m not talking about Black Friday shopping.

I’m talking about listening.

Next Friday (November 29) is the National Day of Listening.

November is National Family Caregivers Month.  I’m willing to bet that you’re either in that role, have been in that role in the past, or know someone (a close friend or family member) who is in that role now.  Family caregivers are unsung heroes – but they need care too in order to continue their devoted, compassionate service.

I’ve lost track of the number of times in recent weeks that my conversations have turned to caregiving.  And it’s not me bringing that topic up.

Perhaps it’s my age, and the age of many of my friends, clients, and contacts, or the fact that the Baby Boomers are moving into a phase of life where many need additional care.  Whatever the reason, it’s clear to me that it’s a significant challenge, and it’s something that many of us are navigating.

November is National Family Caregivers Month, a time to honor the service that family caregivers provide for their loved ones.

In honor of my birthday week, I’m sharing a blog from a friend and fellow Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, Chris Heinz.  Chris and I have both celebrated a birthday this month, and I found truth, humor, and insight in his thoughts about how our natural talents – the ways we’re wired – impact all parts of our lives, even how we want to celebrate our birthdays! 

This week is National Business Women’s Week, and October is National Women’s Small Business Month.  It’s a good time to celebrate the significant impact that women are making to our economy and also to consider the challenges still faced by women in business. 

Have you ever struggled to forgive someone?

Yeah, me too.  (And if I’m being totally honest, I might also currently be in that struggle.)

Forgiveness might just be the most challenging of all human experiences.  Who among us isn’t awed by incredible stories of forgiveness:  parents who forgive their child’s killer, survivors of genocide who forgive those who hunted them, accident victims who forgive the person whose actions caused irreparable damage.

Even when the injury we’ve experienced is far less severe than these examples, forgiving can feel impossible.

But the alternative does damage.

The goal of this blog post is not to read it and feel badly about yourself because you’ve become stuck in unhelpful coping habits. It’s to simply acknowledge and notice just one or two habits that you want to intentionally work on changing.  We know that engaging in an alternative, more helpful or healthy activity will ultimately lead us to experiencing a more vibrant, fulfilling life. 

So take a deep breath, and then simply acknowledge, reflect, and admit: Which of these habits bothers me or impacts me negatively the most? Start with that one. You don’t have to overhaul your daily habits here. Pick one and experiment!

Imagine a river – flowing easily, bringing life and refreshment, and serving as a source of power.  

Now imagine that river without movement, without a source and mouth.  If it’s just a channel, it’s really just a rut.  If water is in the rut when it’s cold, it freezes.  If it gets hot, the water gets stagnant.  And if it stays that way for a long time, that water eventually dries up.

Sometimes parts of our lives can be like the water in that rut, and leave us stuck, frozen, stagnant, or maybe even dried up.  Whether it’s a career that feels more like a grind, relationships that drain us, or even negativity in our internal dialogue, we can often find ourselves trapped in what I call "rut stories."  

I have a love/hate relationship with my journal.  Well, maybe more accurately, it’s a love/guilt relationship.  

Anyone with me on this?

I love what journaling does for me.  I love the insights I receive.  I love looking back and noticing patterns, answered prayers, and growth.

I feel bad that journaling is not a regular habit.  It’s not a daily habit or even a weekly one.  I sometimes journal daily or several times a week, and then I might go months without putting pen to paper.

So I’m taking a dose of my own “life coach wisdom” and inviting myself to simply notice my thoughts and feelings about journaling, and set aside the judgment.  

The pain was unbelievable.  All I’d been doing was trying out for the school track team with my friends.  But they tore across the blacktop so much faster, and they didn’t seem to be grabbing their ankles when they were done.  

The diagnosis?  My hips were out of alignment.  And that was slowing me down and causing pain.

Fast forward a few decades and I found myself out of alignment again.  This time in my neck, which was contributing to some intense jaw pain which disrupted my life and interfered with some of the pleasures of everyday life.

I’ve noticed a theme among the clients I work with.  They’re all in the middle, in many different ways.  

There are a few exceptions, but most are middle-aged, middle income, middle managers, and in the middle of life or work transitions.

They’re also dealing in some very “middle” situations…

(I’m changing all the names and some of the details, but the stories are very, very real.)

Paula’s organization is in the midst of wave after wave of change, and there’s not a lot of leadership from above to help staff and stakeholders navigate it well.  Paula is doing what she can to “manage-up” while simultaneously extending herself to provide stability and support for her co-workers and clients.  She’s stuck in the middle of politics and drama and it’s sucking her soul.

When was the last time you did something to truly nourish or care for yourself?

Not a quick coffee break between meetings or a stolen five minutes of peace after the kids are in bed, but real, intentional time to focus on your own needs and desires. For many of us, especially those in helping professions or with demanding personal responsibilities, the answer might be, "I can't remember."

Yet, as we navigate the many roles we play—mother, wife, daughter, friend, caretaker, professional—we often overlook a crucial aspect of our ability to serve others: prioritizing ourselves. This might sound counterintuitive or even selfish, but I think it's rooted in one of the most profound teachings of the Bible.

What’s the point of this trip down memory lane?

It’s about connecting the dots. It’s about finding unique joy and life satisfaction.

If I hadn’t reflected deeply on my peak experiences in life, I never would have seen the connection between all of these life events. More importantly, I wouldn’t have recognized the degree to which I’m living into the fullness of the person I was created to be.

What’s the Pace of Your Life?

This spring, I hit a busy stretch. In many respects, it was wonderful: I got to travel to several places, work with many different people and groups, try out lots of different content, and bring in additional revenue.

On the downside, by the end of it (or maybe before the end if I’m being totally honest) I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and scrambling. I was struggling to keep up, and I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.

I was living at a pace that was too fast.

How’s Your Vision?

When I was in 4th grade, I was getting pretty annoyed that the teacher’s writing on the chalkboard was so faint and fuzzy. Finally, one day I complained about it to a friend who sat next to me. She looked at me oddly and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I can see what she’s writing just fine.”

Oh.

“Then I guess it’s me,” I realized.

Yes, that was the year that I got eyeglasses.

What’s one habit or behavior you wish you could change in your life?

Maybe it’s a bad habit you want to stop. Maybe it’s a healthy habit you want to start. Maybe there’s a behavior that you need to shift in some way.

I’m curious about what you think about this quotation:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” 

Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Do you agree?  Disagree?  How does this relate to your life?

If you’ve met me, worked with me, or even just followed this blog for a time, you probably know that I passionately believe that developing and using our strengths has a powerful positive impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.

But if you’re new to the idea of strengths-based living, or you just haven’t really thought about your strengths in a while, I thought it might be helpful if I shared the top reasons and ways I use my strengths.  

We can float through life and drift where circumstances take us, or we can lead our lives, and move with purpose. No, we can’t control the outcomes and certain circumstances can throw us off course, but a vision, direction, or goal can help us navigate the waters with intentionality. What intention are you setting for the second half of this year?

You might be surprised to learn that project planning and implementation are part of the creative problem solving process. But consider this: the goal of the process is “problem solving.” If all we do is come up with innovative ideas to address the problem, but we never actually implement them, we’ve missed the point.